For all those who believe that “no” is not an option for their children when it comes to smartphones and social media, introduce Dallas parents Michael and Natalie Sorrell.
The Sorrells are an unusual couple who not only don't allow Mike, 13, and Sage, 9, to have a phone or social media, but also don't see their decision as anything special.
Their lives, like many other families in North Texas, are extremely busy. Michael is the president of Paul Quinn University. Natalie works full time in the investment world.
Mike, a student at St. Mark's University, is a talented basketball player and a member of Southern Assault, an AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) team sponsored by Adidas. Sage, his junior at Hockaday, is passionate about tennis and his many friends.
As the five of us sat around our family's dining room table in Far North Dallas, the conversation repeatedly turned to the Soler family's determination to remain key influencers for their children for as long as possible. I did.
“We are tasked with raising children who grow up to be well-adjusted men and women who feel secure in themselves and who can trust themselves,” Michael said.
Why, Michael asked, should we hand over that responsibility to a toxic online world that stokes anger, tolerates vile treatment and endangers democracy? “Are we supposed to believe that such people are capable of building a life for our families?”
Dr. John Burrus, CEO of Metrocare Services, Dallas County's largest mental health provider, has a front row seat to the impact smartphones and social media are having on young people. His surgery sees around 2,000 people with mental health needs every day. One-third of them are children or teenagers.
Burruss said social media algorithms intentionally push content that causes anxiety among young people. Feelings of missing out, being bullied, and feeling increasingly isolated are “now in front of you 24 hours a day,” he told me.
But parents continue to succumb to pressure from their youngest children, the tech industry, and society's distorted values.
Natalie and Michael are sensitive about how valuable their time is, especially now that Mike has entered his teens. “They are young and their bodies, brains, minds, hearts and spirits are still developing,” Natalie said. “You give them a phone and now they have hundreds of thousands of influencers.”
Mike was honest with me about how difficult it was to not have a cell phone. Especially when the conversation turns to what's trending on his Snapchat or TikTok (which it always does), because I have no idea what my friend is talking about. “They ask me what I think, and then they remember and say, 'Oh yeah, you don't have a phone.'”
“When will I get it?” is a common question. “Maybe once I start driving,” Mike answered hopefully.
“Sometimes I think it's a little unfair, because I've done things to show that I should have that privilege,” he said. “But I understand that they know what's best for me.”
Mike's dream is to play basketball at a Power Five conference school, preferably Duke or Michigan, then go to the NBA and have a long career in business.
Michael allowed his basketball-focused Instagram, @iam_michaelasorrell, to be saved to his father's phone. Michael closely monitors the account, and the two collaborate on what Mike posts. He is only allowed to view the account once a week.
“I wish I could have seen it a little bit more, but it's okay,” Mike said with a laugh, adding that he had recently announced his intention to “enter the parental adoption portal and find a family to keep the phone.” Stated. ”
The best part of the story? “But don't tell mom that,” Mike told his father.
For Sage, the Sorel family's relatively unplugged world means that few of her friends own smartphones. “It's going to be a long, long time before I get a phone,” she said. “There is plenty of entertainment for athletics, school, and friends.”
Sage's views are a striking departure from the findings of a national survey which found that a third of children between the ages of 8 and 12 want to become online stars when they grow up. Another survey found that a third of girls aged 11 to 15 use the word “addiction” to describe their social media use.
“How do we keep these kids away from their phones?” is a hot topic in Natalie's parent circles. She does not share her family's decisions unless specifically asked.
A recent exchange went like this. “Why doesn't a 13-year-old have a cell phone?” “Well, we didn't buy it.” “How do you know where he is?” “Either he’s where I dropped him off, or he’s with us.”
Natalie and Michael are firm believers in families focusing on children and their development and experiences. “With busy families and busy lives, we can choose not to let screens be the center of our children's lives,” Natalie says.
As a university president, Michael knows the real-world consequences of social media's influence. He sees it in students' short attention spans, lack of empathy, and record levels of anxiety and depression.
Michael says the problem begins as soon as children and teens start looking down at their devices instead of at the world around them. “They're not developing emotional intelligence and the ability to just live instead of watching other people live and commenting on other people's experiences.”
A growing body of research into the effects of social media on mental health prompted a warning from the US Surgeon General last year. Adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media are twice as likely to experience poor mental health, particularly depression and poor mental health. anxiety. The same advisory notes that a teenager spends an average of 3.5 hours per day on social media platforms.
Metrocare CEO Burruss said the problem was so serious that a national public service campaign similar to those for tobacco and seatbelts was needed.
Burruss says mental health conditions can be broadly categorized into three groups. Some people face the disease due to genetic predisposition. Some people are so genetically resilient that they have almost no immunity. Burruss said young people are more susceptible to influences such as social media. For them, too much screen time is one of the environmental factors that can cause depression and anxiety, making it even worse if those conditions are already present.
In an online world where more views means more revenue for social media companies, algorithms push content that is as emotionally charged as possible. “It's unavoidable and purposefully designed to produce the best emotions, even if it's the worst for your mental health,” Burruss says.
Burrus said bullying, which follows young people home on social media, is one of the most dangerous aspects of today's 24/7 digital world. Similarly, online access increases feelings of loneliness and her FOMO (fear of missing out). It can also cause physical problems and worsen eating disorders.
“You spend hours every day on social media, looking out the window at things you can't be a part of,” Burruss says. “What kind of emotions are born? Loneliness and despair.”
Burruss understands that many parents do not choose to withhold the phone calls. However, he said parents should be responsible and make careful decisions about how much their children are online and what they view.
He suggests creating technology-free zones, for example during mealtimes or in the children's room in the evening. He also believes parents should thoroughly monitor their children's online habits.
“You signed up for a phone and that service. Your child didn't,” Burruss said. “So you bought the responsibility.”